‘I nearly lost her because of pride’

Allan Bagamba and Dorcus Asiimwe first met and became friends while attending St John’s Church in Kamwokya, Kampala. 
Although Bagamba developed a crush on Asiimwe, he did not act on his feelings until they attended a youth camp together at Makerere College Migadde in Bombo Town, Luwero District, in December 2010.
They maintained their friendship through 2011, and by the time they went to the annual youth camp in December 2012, they had grown even closer. At the time, Bagamba was serving as the assistant youth chairperson and, a year later, became the youth chairperson at the church. His romantic life, however, was uncertain; he moved from one relationship to another in search of true love, partly because he viewed Asiimwe as too young for him. Despite Asiimwe’s openness with him, Bagamba was hesitant to change his perception of her.
“I saw her as still being young, and I was also naive. Pride played a role, and I did not see myself dating someone I thought was below my standards. She was in Senior Three, and I was already at university,” Bagamba explains.
In this period of confusion, Asiimwe remembers that Bagamba never clearly expressed his feelings.
“Apart from the mutual chemistry of having a crush on each other, we both believed it was not going anywhere. He saw himself getting married right after university, while I was still finishing secondary school. There was a shared feeling that we did not try to nurture, so we stayed friends. The age difference was also a significant factor,” Asiimwe recalls.
Distance
When Asiimwe joined university in 2016, she started attending St. Francis Chapel in Makerere and rarely returned to St. John’s in Kamwokya. They continued to keep in touch, and Bagamba pursued her once more. However, the relationship remained undefined.
Between 2012 and 2016, as Asiimwe completed secondary school, Bagamba had a slogan: “Bag’s Family @2016,” because he had prophetically chosen that year as the one he wanted to marry. Even though Asiimwe did not mutually consent to dating, there was still heartbreak when they split again. At university, Bagamba stayed in touch with Asiimwe, but his attention was on someone else.
He was annoyed when a friend copied Asiimwe's contact from his phone and kept communicating with her, updating him on her life. It was then that Bagamba realised he still had feelings for Asiimwe, but she had already moved on. His Christian values prevented him from dating two people simultaneously, so he kept his interactions with her purely friendly.
“Between 2012 and 2016, I was in different relationships and considered reconciling with her, but I knew she might not accept. I gave whoever I dated my time, but I kept the friendship zone open with Dorcus, checking on her to see how she was managing life. After we split, I confessed to the woman I was dating that I truly loved Asiimwe, but she was too young for me. I could not wait for her to complete school because I had already made up my mind to marry my then-girlfriend,” Bagamba recalls.
Together at last
After graduating from university in 2014, Bagamba was jobless and living with his parents. He thought he could get married immediately but realised he would have to wait and date one person at a time. In 2018, he tried to reconcile with Asiimwe, but she did not agree. When she refused, Bagamba moved on but continued to check in on her to see if he still had a chance.
What motivated him was that whenever they chatted on WhatsApp, Asiimwe often mentioned that he would make a good father. Bagamba would respond, “If at all you are the mother of the children.” In 2019, he did not pursue her actively, as he had heard rumours that Asiimwe was dating other people.
“When I found out the rumours were not true, I decided to give it a try. I was struggling with relationships and even fasted and prayed for her to come back to me because convincing her had become difficult. I was tired of trial-and-error relationships, and time was not on my side. I persisted, and in July 2021, she gave me the green light to date her. At that point, it was either her or no one else,” Bagamba says.
Eye on the prize
In December 2022, Bagamba travelled to Kabale Town in western Uganda for the introduction ceremony of Asiimwe’s sister, Dorris. He prophetically felt that by the time of Asiimwe’s introduction, he would return to Kabale for spiritual guidance and to marry her. At Dorris’ function, Bagamba and his friends prayed and promised they would return to Kabale in 2024 to marry Asiimwe.
In 2023, Asiimwe travelled to Kenya for further studies but stayed in touch with Bagamba. When she returned in February 2023, Bagamba planned to surprise her. Instead of surprising her on Valentine’s Day, February 14, he did it on the eve of Valentine’s Day.
“I took her out on a date, and among the many things we discussed, she asked what she could do for me to settle down. I asked her to say yes to me,” he says. He also brought her flowers, a gesture he had reserved only for one other woman before her, which made Asiimwe uncomfortable.
“We went close to five days without speaking. The silence was overwhelming, so I reached out to her sister, who helped reconcile us. After I apologised on February 19, 2023, that was also the day she officially accepted to date me. I started planning for the wedding,” Bagamba recalls.
During that period, he lost his job at a top insurance company and was unemployed for nearly six months. “It was a test, but she supported and encouraged me. I paused our wedding plans during this time and realised that God had given me the right, supportive woman,” Bagamba says.
Introduction
On October 6, 2023, Bagamba took Asiimwe to his parents in Hoima District to receive their blessings, promising them he would marry her by October 2024. Asiimwe was preparing to travel to Iceland for six months of studies, from October 2023 to April 2024.
Bagamba also visited her parents, and one event led to another until, on October 26, 2024, he was officially introduced to Asiimwe’s parents and family at a traditional ceremony in Kabale Town.
The two will exchange their marriage vows on November 2, 2024, which also happens to be Bagamba’s birthday.
Values
Bagamba says that his Christian values have played a significant role in keeping them together. Asiimwe adds that, even during a period of a long-distance relationship, their patience, persistence, and consistent communication, despite unresolved issues, were key in maintaining their bond. Asiimwe describes Bagamba as a hardworking, Godfearing man who has stayed true to his Christian values, while Bagamba appreciates Asiimwe for being Christcentered and intelligence, qualities he admires and respects.