9 Signs You Know Deep Down Your Relationship Is Wrong For You

A quick scan through social media sites will show countless people talking about how they stayed in bad or unhealthy relationships for far too long, for a wide variety of reasons. Some even knew they were wrong on their wedding day. Or after the birth of their third or fourth child. But they never paid attention to the signs that were clamoring to be acknowledged.

If any of the following signs ring true for you, be warned: every atom in your body is trying to send the message that your relationship is wrong for you, and that it needs to end.

1. You keep telling yourself that this is a great match, as though trying to convince yourself of it.

A lot of partnerships look great on paper, or should be a great match in theory. You and your partner may share the same hobbies, have the same values and ethics, and want the same things in life. You may have all the tools and advantages at your disposal to have a successful long-term partnership… but the relationship still feels “wrong”.

You may find yourself dreading the dates you go on or the family gatherings you attend because you know you’re playing a role to keep up appearances, rather than sincerely wanting to be there. Similarly, your skin may crawl every time they try to initiate intimacy with you. Still, you don a smile and try your best because it really is such a good match, right?

2. Your health is suffering.

The thing about tamping down your emotions is that they’ll end up manifesting in other ways. You might know deep down that your relationship is wrong for you, but you’re choosing to ignore those feelings for whatever reason. Maybe you’re benefiting from this partnership, or you would feel terrible about leaving this person because they’re in a bad place emotionally or physically, etc.

As a result, those ignored emotions end up affecting you physically. You might be getting chronic headaches or have suddenly developed symptoms similar to IBS. Your anxiety or depression may have skyrocketed, and you’ve either gained a lot of weight or are losing it rapidly because you have no appetite. These are all signs that your subconscious is screaming at you to pay attention to your truth.

3. You breathe a sigh of relief as soon as you’re alone.

Instead of feeling comfortable and relaxed in your partner’s presence, or happy to see them when they’re around, you find yourself walking on eggshells or trying to anticipate what their emotional response will be to any given thing. Then you try to mitigate any discomfort by adjusting your life to suit their wants.

Suddenly, when you’re alone at home, you can breathe a huge sigh of relief because you can actually be your authentic self for a few minutes. Your jaw unclenches, and your shoulders drop down from being up around your ears. You can either have a good cry or actually do what you want until their eventual return. Then it’s back to maintaining the status quo, even though you feel like you’re dying inside.

4. You feel anger or resentment any time they make a request or demand of you.

It could be the most seemingly insignificant thing that they’ve asked you to do, but you feel a wave of resentment because they’re imposing upon your time. Maybe you’re in the middle of cooking and they ask you to check something in the fridge for them since you’re right there, and you’re instantly furious about the fact that they can’t get up off their ass and check it themselves.

Similarly, your responses to them talking to you might be so disproportionate that you surprise yourself. They might start telling you about their day, and all you feel is incendiary rage because you don’t care and don’t want to hear about it. Quite frankly, you don’t even want to hear them breathe anywhere near you.

5. When you think about splitting up, you aren’t all that upset about the idea.

Most of us have envisioned what our life would be like without our significant other in the picture. In a healthy relationship, the vision of a future without one’s partner is a sad one, since many dreams wouldn’t be achieved, and little things like sharing a conversation over breakfast wouldn’t happen anymore.

In your case, though, you immediately start thinking about all the great things you’d do once they were gone. Maybe you could adopt that pet that they’re allergic to or buy the couch that they’ve vetoed. In fact, the more you think about life without them, the better it looks to you.

6. Your partner keeps doing things they know you despise and brushes it off as a “joke.”

You’ve told this person countless times that it makes you uncomfortable when they do X thing, but they do it anyway because they think it’s funny. Basically, they’ve shown you time and time again that their amusement takes precedence over showing you simple courtesy and respect. Your boundaries mean nothing to them, other than opportunities to demean or dominate you.

Here’s an example: years ago, a friend of mine who liked to keep his hair long had a girlfriend who’d yank it when she wanted his attention. No matter how many times he told her how much he hated it, she’d just laugh it off and then do it again. Finally, he’d had enough of her BS and shaved his head. She was livid and broke up with him for doing that without asking her first. It was the best thing that could have happened to him.

7. You don’t respect them.

If your partner has said or done something that made you lose respect for them (or failed to do something, with the same result), it’s pretty much impossible to continue having a healthy relationship with them. For example, if someone has treated you horribly and your partner has failed to defend you — or worse, they behaved like a sycophant — they’ve proven themselves unworthy of being by your side.

The only way a person can remain in a relationship with someone they don’t respect is if they shut down and disassociate. And by doing so, they’ll likely also lose respect for themselves. After all, they’d be disgusted if a friend of theirs chose to stay with a partner who didn’t respect them, so what does that have to say about their own behavior?

8. You think of someone else when you’re being intimate.

Physical intimacy is a primary cornerstone for most romantic relationships, which is why it’s so vitally important for people to be physically attracted to their partners. Without that attraction, intimacy falls by the wayside, the relationship turns into a sibling-like roommate situation, and both partners end up irritable and resentful.

If you aren’t attracted to your partner anymore (or never were, for that matter), you may find yourself thinking about someone else while being intimate with them. Maybe you close your eyes and think of this other person, or you’ve accidentally said someone else’s name during the act. Either way, if you can’t bear to be intimate with the person you’re actually involved with, that’s a pretty clear sign that you shouldn’t be with them.

9. You feel a sense of dread when you think about spending the rest of your life with this person.

Your partner may be talking delightedly about all the things you’ll get to experience by spending the rest of your lives together, and every word they utter makes you die a bit more inside. The thought of having to wake up next to this person every day for the next 50 years fills you with dread, and you’re 0.02 seconds away from tearing your skin off or setting yourself ablaze just to get away from them.

Here’s the bottom line: if you’re not interested in spending any more time with them than you absolutely have to, then why are you with them at all? This is one of the biggest signs that you know deep down your relationship is wrong for you, but only you can put a stop to it.

Final thoughts…

It’s not fair to either you or your partner to keep going with a relationship that you know is wrong. You may think you’re being kind by sticking it out with someone you’re not truly interested in because you don’t want to hurt them by breaking up. But in reality, if you really cared about them, you’d set them free so they could be with someone who actually wants them. You might be the “bad guy” for a while for leaving, but this is a kinder, healthier action for both of you in the long run.