Arsenal Fans Stress Minister Tumwebaze

After waiting 22 years for a Premier League title, Arsenal fans across Uganda have erupted into emotional celebrations so intense that even Agriculture minister Frank Tumwebaze found himself receiving early morning calls demanding financial contributions for victory parties instead of requests for coffee seedlings and poultry feeds.

For years, Ugandans have associated Agriculture minister Frank Tumwebaze with coffee seedlings, fish ponds, poultry feeds and government programmes aimed at modernising farming. But on Sunday morning, the minister found himself dragged into a completely different national emergency: Arsenal celebrations.

Tumwebaze woke up to what should have been an innocent phone call. Perhaps a farmer needed advice on irrigation. Maybe someone wanted guidance on fish breeding. Instead, the caller had one mission.

“Kindly help.”

Help with what?

Not coffee seedlings. Not piggery feeds. Not even fertiliser.

The caller wanted financial contribution towards an Arsenal victory party.

The minister, clearly traumatised by the encounter at a time he should be meditating about his chances of retaining a Cabinet seat, rushed to social media to vent.

“Stress in the morning! Imagine getting an early morning call and one asking to kindly help. What help? Not buying coffee seedlings, not poultry feeds, nothing. But asking a contribution towards their 'mbaga' for Arsenal. Very annoying. We need a serious mindset change!”

But perhaps Tumwebaze is only now discovering what the rest of Uganda has known for years: Arsenal fans do not celebrate normally.

They celebrate emotionally, spiritually and, at times, dangerously.

After Arsenal ended their 22-year Premier League title drought on Tuesday, Uganda’s Gunners supporters immediately entered what can only be described as a national state of emergency. WhatsApp groups exploded. Old jerseys were removed from storage. Dusty vuvuzelas were resurrected. Some fans who had not posted on social media since COVID-19 suddenly became motivational speakers.

Today, as Arsenal travel away to Crystal Palace for the final game of the season, Uganda’s Arsenal faithful are expected to flood bars, streets and trading centres dressed in red and white like a political procession.

And history suggests the country should prepare accordingly.

Three seasons ago, police in Jinja arrested Arsenal supporters who were parading a dummy Premier League trophy through the streets after merely defeating Manchester United in an ordinary league match. They had not won the title. They had not reached a final. They simply beat United and decided this achievement deserved a city procession.

The trophy itself reportedly looked like it had been assembled overnight by optimistic welders operating under emotional pressure.

Yet the celebrations marched on.

Over the years, football celebrations in Uganda have occasionally turned tragic, with stampedes, reckless boda boda processions and road accidents sometimes leading to injuries and loss of life. Arsenal supporters, however, have always insisted their suffering justified extreme reactions whenever success finally arrived.

To understand their excitement, one must appreciate what 22 years without a league title does to a football fan. Entire generations of Ugandan Arsenal supporters have grown up hearing stories about Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira and the Invincibles the same way children hear folktales about ancient kingdoms.

Many had begun suspecting the Premier League trophy was actually cursed.

Now that Arsenal have finally delivered, the celebrations were always going to be uncontrollable.

Which leaves Minister Tumwebaze with two choices.

Either switch off his phone completely.

Or contribute towards the mbaga before Arsenal fans call again.