The 8 friendships that naturally fall away as you get older (and why you should let them go).

A person in a yellow coat and pink backpack stands on a road, waving to a group of people in the distance who appear to be waving back. The scene is outdoors on a cloudy day.

It’s said that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some friendships will last until you’re both old and grey, while others will naturally fall away as both of you get older.

That’s not just okay: sometimes it’s the best thing possible for everyone involved. This is because some friendships fit well at one point in your life, but can constrain you or even damage you if they linger on after they’ve run their natural course. The friendships listed below are often best set free sooner rather than later.

1. The party buddy.

This is the person whom you’ve always been able to count on to go out drinking with you at the drop of a hat. They’ve convinced you to see live bands play on work nights, and you’ve goaded one another to have “just one more shot” until you’ve blacked out under the table on more than one occasion.

This kind of behavior might have been fun in college, but it can turn into “Peter Pan Syndrome” once you get older. When everyone else is home with their kids, spending time with elder relatives, or working on their homes, the person who refuses to grow up is still going to clubs and getting wasted every weekend. It’s not just okay to let go of friendships that you’ve outgrown: it’s healthier for you to do so. Especially if someone keeps trying to coerce you into mirroring their stagnant, irresponsible lifestyle choices.

2. The drama llama.

Your friendship with this person is more like a therapist-patient dynamic because every time you speak to them or spend time with them in person, they lay out all of their life woes and expect you to offer them comfort and advice. They keep getting themselves into the same, miserable dramas, they refuse to break their repeating cycles, and you end up emotionally drained after every interaction.

This person isn’t going to change any time soon and will keep dragging you down into the bilgewater they insist upon wallowing in. And you have likely enough going on in your life without being sucked into their drama all the time.

3. The “everything is a crisis” person.

Most young people have someone in their lives who’s like Clare from Derry Girls. Everything is a crisis for them, and they go from 0 to 100 on the panic scale if they so much as breathe the wrong way. This type of unnecessary drama is fairly normal in adolescents and young adults, but most folks grow out of their histrionics by the time they reach their mid-20s.

If you have friends who still call you in the middle of the night because they’re freaking out about a misinterpreted text, waking your kids, and completely disrupting your sleep cycle, consider whether they are actually adding any benefit to your life. You aren’t this person’s therapist, and it’s not fair for them to treat you like an emotional support animal instead of a respected friend.

4. The possessive bestie.

Possessive behavior isn’t just limited to romantic partners: platonic friends can get overly possessive and codependent as well. While this behavior is more common among teenagers, those who have limited emotional intelligence or whose maturity stagnated in their teens can remain possessive towards those they deem “best friends” well into adulthood.

Friends like these may get jealous and emotional if you spend time with others, especially at events they weren’t invited to. They may also interfere in your romantic relationships, attempting to break up partnerships if they feel that they’ll end up being neglected or cast aside. Dr Irene S. Levine, aka “The Friendship Doctor,” advises that when one friend is possessive or clingy in this way, it’s easy for the other to become resentful and need distance.

What’s more, people like this are seeking their own comfort and security above all else, and often won’t hesitate to stab you in the back if they feel that you’re choosing someone else over them. If they aren’t willing to work on their issues, it may be best to create distance with them and let the friendship fall away on its own.

5. The troublemaker.

You’ve probably been in situations before where one of your friends will muck up some trouble with another person (or a group) and then retreat, leaving you to play peacemaker and resolve it. Or they’ll get riled up and want to start a fight for their own amusement, without thinking about the long-term consequences of their actions. These people will only bring drama into your life.

Depending on the situation, there can be dire repercussions for behavior like this. Younger people may be able to bounce back from all manner of scrapes and difficulties, but older ones have a lot more to lose. If your friend’s actions put you, your family, or your career at risk, cut them loose. They aren’t worth that kind of grief.

6. The spontaneous thrill seeker.

This is the person who’ll call you up at dawn and tell you to pack your backpack because they just bought two tickets to Thailand and you’re going with them. When you were in high school or college, they may have accepted drinks from random strangers on your behalf and then encouraged you to break into a go-karting track to go joyriding with them. Now that you’ve reached adulthood, you’ve noticed they’re quick to start new, exciting life projects, but will abandon them as soon as they get boring or require too much self-discipline to accomplish.

They might berate you for getting “old and boring” while they’re still seeking the high of new projects and exciting pursuits, not realizing that you aren’t in that headspace anymore. If that’s the life that makes them happy, then encourage them to pursue it with someone who’s better suited to their energy and interests, rather than trying to coerce you into doing things that may damage you, and that you have no interest in at all.

7. The remora.

Are you familiar with remora eels? They have suction cups at the tops of their heads that allow them to attach themselves to the underbellies of larger, predatory marine creatures, such as sharks, manta rays, dolphins, sea turtles, and so on. The larger animals don’t benefit much from this arrangement, whereas the remora gets to eat all the bits that float past when their hosts are eating.

Some so-called friends can behave like remoras as well: they benefit greatly from their friendship with you, but you don’t get much from the relationship in turn. For example, you may have invited them to attend fancy events or go on trips with you as your plus one, which led to their career or personal advancement, but unless you’re doing something for their benefit, they have little to do with you. Essentially, the friendship is one-sided.

Friendships are reciprocal by nature, so unless this person magically starts to balance out your relationship, it’s best to cut them loose. Otherwise, they’ll just keep using you and might even hinder your own personal progress while doing so.

8. The old flame.

You may not be interested in this person romantically anymore, but your friendship with them offers you nostalgia for a time when you felt happy and vivacious. This may be particularly true if they still flirt with you, especially if you haven’t been particularly happy in your marriage or partnership for a long time.

The problem with this kind of friendship is that it isn’t sincere. Either you’re leading them on with the hint of a potential rekindling that’ll never happen (for the sake of an ego boost), or they’re feeding off the positive attention you’re offering them. Furthermore, if the two of you are flirting behind your respective partners’ backs, you could end up damaging both of your long-term partnerships permanently. Is the momentary titillation worth that kind of pain?

Final thoughts…

These friendships all have something in common: a person who’s interacting with you because they benefit from your company without sincere reciprocation. Some of them may have stuck with you long after the friendship had run its course because you’ve been their “rock” for so long that they don’t know how to function without you. But in reality, they’ve likely become the stone tied around your ankle, dragging you downwards.

Loosen their hold on you and let these friendships fall away, and you’ll only be healthier and happier as a result.